application

[roublard]

[CHARACTER INFO]
CHARACTER NAME: Remington Smisse.
SERIES: Wakfu.
CHRONOLOGY: The end of season two.
CLASS: Neutral alignment-wise: he's either A) doing things for his own gain alone or B) hired guns. He's enough of a shitwagon it kind of tips into affable villain, though.

Also of note is that he is apparently after world domination, but seems to be going about it at a very, very leisurely pace.

BACKGROUND:

Wakfu is an MMORPG about women having really impossible proportions, off-color humor, real-time politics with other people online which goes EXACTLY as well as you would expect, and I guess some sort of fantasy stuff, too.

The setting is the World of Twelve, a quirky high fantasy world, named so for its twelve gods, and named for those twelve gods are twelve classes. While class oftentimes appears superficially to be like race, to belong to a class is to share not only powers but a ideals and traits: it's based on religion rather than on heritage. Sort of. Kind of. It's explicating MMO classes, these things are flexible. Worshiping a god grants them the characteristics that make the classes distinct: if you're into Ecaflip, the god of chance, you become more like Ecaflip, i.e. a cat person.

The World of Twelve was thrown into turmoil after Ogrest's Chaos. Ogrest, the world's first ogre, fell in love with one of the god Sadida's dolls, and attempted to impress her by collecting the six Dofus -- ancient dragon eggs full of power. The gods feared that Ogrest had become too powerful, and tried to slap him back into place. This backfired horribly. The gods eventually were forced to throw up the white flag. Worse, somewhere in the battle, the doll Ogrest loved was lost to some kind of weird timehole (fucked if I know how), and he did Justin Timberlake proud, cried a literal river and flooded the world.

Regardless of personal opinion on how much is myth and how much is fact about Ogrest, the World of Twelve is irreversibly and undeniably changed from the era of Dofus that had come before. Seasons no longer pass, and the sea level's higher enough it swallowed some places whole.

Now that we're brought up to the present era: our hero! Sort of. Remington Smisse is the son of Kouto Smisse, king of the Rogues and gijinka of the "son I am disappoint" meme. Rogues are one of the two classes not named for a god, and exactly what the name would suggest: brigands and buttheads, the lot of them. As the son of Kouto, babby Remi was under a lot of pressure to be the best like no one ever was at the ancient art of the five-finger discount. He got out of puberty with maxed-out stats in sneak, pickpocketing, lockpicking and daddy issues, with his big little brother Grany at his side. Constantly. I don't think he ever leaves. They probably do that thing fourteen year old girls do and buddy up to go to the bathroom.

Grany and Remi became renowned thieves in their own right, taking jobs for whoever would pay the most MAD DOLLARS and stealing things for fun and definitely profit. This would change with one particular job: to yoink a mask from a nobleman of Bonta, the Divine City. There are a few bumps on the way there: being ambushed by another party of no-good thieves, Remi almost dying, you know how it is. This new group makes their peace with Remi and Grany after Grany widdles all over one of their faces, and they combine forces to become... five assholes instead of just two. They, somehow, manage to infiltrate the nobleman Ush Galesh's fortress dealio via homemade hang-glider. The catch: as it turns out, Ush Galesh is Ecaflip's bastard son and thus a demigod! And... arranged the Smisse boy's hire in the first place. The entire thing was a setup so they would deliver themselves to him for use as new cat toys. Ush Galesh beats the snot out of them and bites Grany, giving him... the curse of the werecat. The bite turns Grany into a kitty, and Ush Galesh gives Remi an ultimatum: return in under a year, or Grany will be a cat forever, and he'll kill all of their ffffrrrriii... friiiien... ffffteammates.

Despite his best efforts, Remi apparently does not make the cut -- if the fact Grany is still a Bow Meow years later is any indication. When Remi shows up next in Wakfu history, he's hunting Shushus -- demons bound into objects. And, clearly, the people with awesome magical artifacts to hand will be... the actual main characters of Wakfu.

The 'Brotherhood of Tofu' are the actual heroes of the World of Twelve: Yugo, the boy wonder and presumed the last living of the Eliatrope race; Adamai, his dragon brother (long story short, some Eliatropes are twinned at birth to a dragon); Sadlygrove, the honorable knight of dumbassia and keeper of the Shushu Rubilax; Amalia, princess of the plant-people Sadidas; Ruel, half cool old guy, half moneygrubbing old guy, all old guy; and Evangelyne, Amalia's guardian archer and the only one with any goddamn sense. The Brotherhood's first adventure was beating the snot out of a robot guy who missed his dead family. It's cool though, because he was about the cause the genocide of the Sadida people in order to fuel a time machine.

Their heroic effort to murder said old, sad person who turned into a murder robot rocketed the Brotherhood into fame status, and also rocketed Sadlygrove out of being alive and right into heaven. Season two opens on Evangelyne mourning Grovy's death, as his lover, and everyone else calling her loony for being sad.

(They're kind of dicks)

Eva starts hearing Grovy talk to her from beyond the grave. Eva decides to follow her heart and chase after him, which leads her to the aptly named 'Rubilaxia'. Turns out, Grovy's sword shushu, Rubilax, saved him from death at the very last second and is going on a rampage in Grovy's body to reassure himself that he's still an evil demon thing at heart. He is absolutely tsundere for Grovy.

WHEW. CONTEXT IS HARD. Where there's shushus, naturally, there's Remington and Grany. The pair swoop out of nowhere to menace Evangelyne for an incidental map shushu she's been using to hunt down Rubilaxia's location. They tail her through the place right to Rubilax's throne room, where they promptly make a mess of Eva and Grovy's heartfelt reunion. Eva and Remi tail each other through Rubilaxia, and Eva throws him off of a building, never to be seen again.

Except he is totally seen again, come on, like I would ever be allowed to write a history that short. When next Remington shows up, it's as our heroes are taken captive by Knight Justice, who is... well, see the name. Justice is another hunter of shushus, but to fight them -- and he's of the mind that Grovy, having failed so massively at keeping his under control, needs to be brought to, er, justice.

And who should be next to the prison cell they're thrown in but Remington, the number one abuser of shushus? Remi helps the Brotherhood escape, but not before he lets loose the massive, freed shushu Anathar to wreak havoc on all of them, Remi included ("it seemed like a good idea at the time"). Anathar runs off, but not before having stolen Yugo's ability to make portals and eaten both Grany and Rubilax. Justice is reasonably pissed off, and grabs them all for a group huddle, where he reveals that Anathar is actually... his father! Or, his father possessed, rather -- and it's the fault of Grovy, who, possessed by Rubilax, attacked him and forced him to use Anathar's power. They form a temporary hunting party to try to fetch him back. When they finally catch up, Anathar reminds them that he's copied Yugo's power by making portals to the shushu world -- essentially, hell -- and beats the snot out of the heroes up until they think to shove him backward and into one of his own portals. This has the happy accidental effect of spitting out Justice Knight's father, but not Grany or Rubilax -- and Grovy and Remi fall in after Anathar trying to grab for them, with Yugo along for the ride.

This is the realm of Rushu, king of the shushus, who is not particularly happy with Rubilax for going soft. Rushu sentences the all of them to death -- barring Yugo, whose portals Rushu can use to invade and destroy the human World. They manage to escape, but in the scuffle, Grany is... thrown at Rushu's head... and Remi stays behind dramatically while the others escape through a portal back into the human world.

HOWEVER. Thankfully for my viewing pleasure and not thankfully for keeping this app short, he is not killed! Instead, Rushu makes him his personal masseuse. Remi steeps in his utter humiliation like this for a while until the BIG BAD of the series pops in for a visit: Qilby, who is another Eliatrope, like Yugo, and a traitor to their vanished people. Qilby strikes a deal with Rushu: he'll make him a portal to the human world, and Rushu does his thing and wrecks shit, including a dragon sentinel standing in the way of Qilby reuniting with his own dragon sister's unborn egg. (Yeah I know. Aren't you glad this isn't an app for the main character?) Rushu, being really into murder, agrees, and backs Qilby's world destruction Kickstarter.

Given an opportunity to escape in the form of portals everywhere, Remi, being a good Rogue and only mostly an idiot, grabs the chance and runs with it, and is spat out directly into a war. Again, like a good Rogue and only mostly an idiot, he skedaddles and hides out with Grany. After one last, heartfelt altercation with Evangelyne, where she and Grovy decide to settle down for a while and start a family and Remington swoops out of nowhere to ruin the moment, he Team Rockets off into the sunset with Grany in a broken-down submersible mech, THE END.

PERSONALITY:

Remi is kind of a dick, plain and simple! When you grow up in a family of high-profile brigands, you don't exactly learn how to care for your fellow man. He doesn't ever seem particularly worried about right or wrong -- mostly in money, as in, how to make the most of it the fastest. Thievery is a hobby, a profession, and a family bonding experience all in one for the Smisses.

Remi's the poster boy for all Rogues in general. Rogues put a high emphasis on cunning and derring-do, and tend toward the flamboyant and, ah, backstabby. Lots of the backstabby. Remi is given to being cruel for absolutely no good reason. See especially with Eva: letting him out of a prison cell results in him tossing her down a few flights of stairs, tugging him back on top of a roof he was falling off of makes him try to sword her to death, he holds her at gunpoint to try to weasel her boyfriend's sword out of him after they've just discussed the fact she's pregnant... scruples are not exactly something he possesses in spades. He sees kindness as more of an invitation to be a jackass than really appreciating it.

Honor is not a big one for Remi in general. He measures his debts to others in how much they've screwed him over, not in favors. He's a crappy party member in most respects and really nothing of a team player, although it is worth mentioning that he can certainly muster camaraderie. The entry fee into his good graces is simply having the same goals as him at the moment, and not being too fussed about the fact that backstabs are imminent and he would sell your own grandmother for a couple of bucks.

Remi is especially well versed in the minutiae of running away to live to fight another day, and rarely takes things head-on if at all possible, preferring to slip off unannounced during fights and do absolutely none of the work, which others say is cowardice and Remi prefers to define as not being a dumbass. Self-interest is the name of the game, and there are few lows too low for Remi to stoop to.

Probably his sole redeeming quality is that he cares an inordinate amount about his brother, Grany, to the point where he doesn't hesitate to put his life on the line to save him. The thought of leaving him, or even of being apart, is unthinkable simply because they are a unit and because they are family: the brothers Smisse. Part of his protectiveness is guilt, sure, given his knack for getting himself and by extension Grany into trouble in the worst of ways. As far as he -- or Grany, for that matter -- care, it's his fault that he now spends even more time licking his own nutsack. The bigger part, though, is that family is what's most important to him. (Rogues are known for this. "At the heart of all this malice, only one thing has any worth in their eyes: family values", says the class description.)

Remi has a massive deathwish. He's a showboat and he longs to be able to really prove himself, and it results in taking stupid risks. Thinking through things is a stat that Remi seems not to have spent any time bothering to level, and he prefers to do things off the cuff. He's cocksure as all hell, which is impressive riiiight up until the part where he doesn't always make good on his boasts. His life is a big comedy of errors and many of them are because he makes really stupid decisions.

POWER:

OBJECT EFFECTS/ANIMATION; Remi can grant an item one related effect a la roleplaying game, at the cost of it being both live, capable of speech, and really annoying. The quality remains intrinsic to the item: a really nice gun might get a good effect like not requiring ammo, a shitty one might just fire a little faster. Superb French bread might heal you, while cake that's been rained on for a while might make you write smartass log samples. (Also food will scream on its way down your gullet. Remi will probably learn not to mess with that one really fast.)

He can also turn this off: however, once he's done so, he can never use his power on that specific object again. Remi has to touch the object himself for this to take effect, and is limited to one per day. He will have no idea what an object does. The object, however, will, and might tell him if he asks really nice. All of them will tend towards the mischievous, and if he powers a spoon or something and its effect is to give him terrible constipation whenever he eats with it it may just never see fit to inform him.

Object limitations are, again, something RPG-esque, not like... skyscrapers. Nothing he animates will be mobile on its own.

CAT WHISPERER; Again in the vein of 'Remi is never allowed to get any uninterrupted sleep ever again', Remi will have the passive power that any cats within a block radius will be able to speak intelligently. Or, er, at least semi-intelligently. Language depends on where the cat is from. Verbosity, on the cat.

FINAL NOTES:
This is a picture of Zero playing Wakfu. I made her take it because that cat miniboss has a really lovingly rendered sphincter.